I just read article on a great an excellent dating blog called “hooking up smart” http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2011/03/01/politics-and-feminism/are-feminists-finally-noticing-that-the-men-have-left-the-building/. The writer of the blog Susan Walsh discusses Kay Hymowitz, author of the controversial book” Manning up”. In a nutshell, the book urges young men to stop living what is known as the Peter Pan” syndrome. Young men who are in their 20s and 30, who are unmarried, work at low paying less stressful job, play video games or smoke pot and watch internet porn all day. Basically Ms. Hymowitz call for these men to “man up”, get a better job, get an education be more of a traditional male and get married.
Many of these young men who blog on the various” manosphere” pages have strongly criticized Ms. Hymowitz. They feel that feminism has let them down. More importantly, they feel society has let them down. Just because they prefer to work in less stressful job, and remain bachelors for life and play their video games all day, they should not be shamed by the likes of Kay Hymowitz and others. These men feel while they do desire some need for female companionship as human beings, they are opting out of marriage inasmuch as feminism has let the down.
One may ask how has feminism let these young men down and why are these young men so angry? How can you be angry at a theory that many women who are feminists state that it is just about true equality for both genders? Well the same author who called for men to grow up and stop being like Peter Pan, wrote another article criticizing women. The article begins with this introduction “Men in their 2os and 30’s are fed up with women, but author Kay Hymowitz says you can’t blame them when women are demanding equality Except When It Comes To Romance”(captialized by me for effect).
To be fair it would do not justice for this blog by me to write anymore. I simply believe in my opinion that this specific issue that men view as the hypocrisy of feminism is the essence of their anger. Here is what Ms. Hymowitz wrote :
“A bit of all of the above, probably. But there’s another reason for these rants, one that is far less understood. Let’s call it gender bait and switch. Never before in history have men been matched up with women who are so much their equal—socially, professionally, and sexually. By the time they reach their twenties, they have years of experience with women as equal competitors—in school, on soccer fields, and even in bed. They very reasonably assume that the women they are meeting at a bar or café or gym are after the same things they are: financial independence, career success, toned triceps, and sex.
That’s the bait; here comes the switch. Women may want equality at the conference table and treadmill. But when it comes to sex and dating, they aren’t so sure. The might hook up as freely as a Duke athlete. Or, they might want men to play Greatest Generation gentleman. Yes, they want men to pay for dinner, call for dates—a writer at the popular dating website The Frisky titled a recent piece “Call me and ask me out for a damn date!”—and open doors for them. A lot of men wonder: “WTF??!” Why should they do the asking? Why should they pay for dinner? After all, they are equals and in any case, the woman a guy is asking out probably has more cash in her pocket than he does; recent female graduates are making more than males in most large cities.
Sure, girls can—and do—ask guys out for dinner and pick up the check without missing a beat. Women can make that choice. Men say they have no choice. If they want a life, they have to ask women out on dates; they have to initiate conversations at bars and parties, they have to take the lead on sex. Women can take a Chinese menu approach to gender roles. They can be all “Let me pay for the movie tickets” on Friday nights, and “A single rose? That’s it?” on Valentine’s Day.”
It seems that many the issue of sexual harassment has become a big one in recent years. Since the Anita Hill-Clarence Thomas proceedings sexual harassment in the workplace and on public streets has become a big deal. From reading various feminist blogs, I totally get that a woman should be able to dress however she wants without having an obnoxious guy come up to her and annoy her or ask her out (with the hopes of sleeping with her) just because she is dressed in a certain way.
Okay this is a solution, for what it’s worth. According to Dr. Warren Farrell in the audio version of his landmark book “The Myth of Male Power”, a woman who is approached way in a crude by a man who she finds annoying or offensive should communicate with the man. Farrell states a woman should “Tell the man directly, privately how it makes you feel less valued as a human being. Almost every women Farrell knows who has approached a man in this way has found the man apologizing.
Okay better yet read on a blog pertaining to this very issue that a woman who just wants to be left alone and is approached by a man should just act crazy. Acting crazy is also the easiest way to get away from someone who could cause harm. The commentator goes on to say that she knows a fairly small woman who literally acts crazy if she feels she’s in a vulnerable situation. She play-acts talking to herself, shouting, rocking back and forth. It drives guys away. The majority of men do not want to get involved with someone who’s crazy.
Finally, as a man I have learned this “yes means yes, no means no”. I want to emphasize that no means no! For years, societal norms have put the onus on the man as the pursuer. The man should risk rejection. Even men who are shy have to risk rejection asking women out. I know there are plenty of women nowadays who ask men out. However, I still think the onus is on men to ask the woman out. Dr. Farrell, states that this was for evolutionary purposes as a guidepost so women can see how persistent men were to overcome her many “no’s”. The mindset being that the man who could overcome the woman’s many objections would be the strongest protector/providers for the family unit. So I say this to my fellow men, if you have the courage to ask a lady out, and she says “no”, that is the end of it! No means no. No more overcoming female objections. Once a woman says the first no to a date, end it and leave the situation. You not only are respecting yourself but respecting the woman as well. The game of “Hard to get” is over.
Yesterday, I had a post on the alleged hypocrisy that some feminists have said about the MRA movement. As mentioned, some feminists have claimed that it is utter hypocrisy for MRA’s to vent that they want nothing to do with women (especially the MGTOW movement) yes still use much blog space to vent against them. Some feminists have stated that if men want to “go their own way”, stop ranting about women.Just go.
This brings me to comment on The ManBoobz blogs. This blog is almost meant to be comical in a way in which it mocks the most egregious forms of misogyny found on various MRA sites. The craetor of the blog David Futrelle writes “Misogyny. I mock it. I find many of the most egregious and entertaining examples of it on Men’s Rights and Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW) sites.”
About half of the regular commentators on the site are women. Futrelle will post daily an excerpt of a blog from an MRA/MGTOW site and usually mock it. Admittedly, yes the blog can be quite entertaining, although as an MRA I find it a bit upsetting at times that excerpts from more moderate MRA blogs like The National Coalition of Free Men are not posted. But that would cancel the point of Futrelle’s blog.
Inasmuch as about half of the commentators of Futrelle’s blog are women( feminist and non feminist) who regularly follow the happenings of these so called hypocritical misogynistic MRA guys. I say to these MANBOOBZ female commentators “MRA’s, you can’t live with them, you can’t live without them.
http://manboobz.com/ is the website address.
On the Forum Manboobz, Holly Pervocracy had a challenge to MRA’s
Basically, it was a call to MRA’s to find an MRA/MGTOW website that does not bash women and just focus on mens issues. In addition,
on a posting from 8/5/11 on the same site a woman named Par1ka wrote to me
“You alleged that there are all these MRA/MGTOW blogs that don’t talk about women at all, it’s all about fellowship and male bonding. So…show me an MRA/MGTOW blog where there aren’t these angry/bitter articles about everything that’s wrong with women. Happy Bachelors obviously doesn’t fit the bill. If the majority its self-purported “best” articles are mostly rants about why women are so awful, and that’s the bit that even non-members are allowed to see, then there does seem to be a negative fixation on women of sorts, or some desire to give the impression of a negative fixation. After all, they so readily flaunt these anger/misery-filled articles.”
Okay, this is my confusion. Perhaps Holly is right in a way, many MRA/MGTOW blogs do bash women and men vehemently vent against women. Even on some MGTOW blogs that call for gender separatism, many men criticize women. Conversely, I have seen Feminist blogs where women vent against men. What is ironic about Holly’s challenge is she as a feminist seems infatuated with MRA’s who allegedly say they want nothing to do with women but still blog about them. Her fascination with MRA’ who contend to ignore women but still blog about them, is just like the MRA guy who want nothing to do with women but still blog about them.
Even in my own life, as a self described MGTOW, I hate women but love women. It may be the specific quandary, that men and women (including feminists and MRA’s) are cursed to suffer a love/hate relationship and why not? It is very difficult not to despise a particular group of people that has such a hold on one’s heart. This is just my opinion, for what it’s worth.
The song “Animate” by my favorite band Rush, from the 1993 album “Counterparts” pops into my mind. The song written by lyricist Neil Peart is based on the Animae-Animus theory by Carl Jung. Jung implied that each man unconsciously is trying to find his female counterpart to complete him. Similarly, each woman is trying to find her male counterpart to complete her.
Goddess in my garden
Sister in my soul
Angel in my armor
Actress in my role
Daughter of a demon lover
Empress of the hidden face
Priestess of the pagan mother
Ancient queen of inner space
Spirit in my psyche
Double in my role
Alter in my image
Struggle for control
Mermaid of the lunar sea
Daughter of the great enchantress
Sister to the boy inside of me
My counterpart, my foolish heart
A man must learn to rule his tender part
A warming trend, a gentle friend
A man must build a fortress to defend
A secret face, a touch of grace
A man must learn to give a little space
A peaceful state, a submissive trait
A man must learn to gently dominate
Sam sent me this link to Sofiastry’s blog on Male/Female friendships:
He asked me what I thought soooo….
I think she has some valid points here. There is a sexual energy between men and women that exists whether we call it love, friendship, friends with benefits, or whatever. I work with a girl at my bar who goes out with guys who are her “friends” and flirts it up with them. I don’t think that either party thinks that any kind of real fucking will ever occur, but they both enjoy the chemistry and trust themselves enough that they can rule infidelity out. For some perverse reason, after being in a very loving relationship for three years, I often find myself treating other men with the same energy that I give my boyfriend. Really, just because it feels familiar and honest and kind of nice. Is there some attraction between me and friend guys who are getting a certain vibe off of me? Sure. But I don’t think either of us confuse it as anything more.
I’m not skeptical of male/female friendships, I think they are real and they can sustain for a whole bunch of reasons. Maybe they actually are NOT attracted to each other or maybe they have a different connection than with their significant other. Maybe there’s a little bit of polyamory in all of us. And yes, if I broke up with my boyfriend, chances are I probably would fuck one of my guy friends. Does that make the friendship false, I don’t think so.