What Women Want?

How do women really feel about gay men? Although, I am a heterosexual guy, a lot of men complain that woman love gay men. Straight men say that women love gay men because they can shop with them, or be friends with them without the man wanting to have sex with them. Many women say gay men are gorgeous and “hot’ because they dress well, work out, and keep fit, and have great personalities.

This confuses me, and I’m not alone here. There are websites and blogs belonging to outspoken male rights activists, angry men who have written about how they hate women and have cut them out of their lives; perhaps they have given up on the opposite sex.  And then there are women who read this and accuse men of being “faggots” or  “gay” but how can they love their hot, in shape, funny gay best friends one minute and the next minute attack men for entertaining a life philosophy without women?.  I thought women were not bigoted against gay men, the way straight men certainly can be.  Are women deeply threatened by a growing number of men who do not desire them?  Certainly this hatred of women will illicit some cruel name calling, but what scares women more, a thriving gay community of men who are not attracted to them or straight men deciding to boycott the opposite sex.  Have women become so difficult that more and more men are considering a world without them?

I mean, we are all familiar with a few of the age-old stereotypes: women complain that men are pigs and that all they think about is having cold, emotionless sex, they don’t know how to really love or nurture a woman. Men complain that women are cock-teasers, dressing sexy to have a certain effect, and then using sex to control a man.  So what intrigues me is that gay men seem to be free of all of this back and forth.  No matter how sexy, beautiful, or nice a women is, these men don’t give them a second look because they are gay.  Even though women can be “fag-hags”, claiming that they love their gay friends, are they also secretly threatened by gay men because they have no sexual pull?  There are effeminate men, macho muscle guys, ”twinks”, “bears”, “tops” and “bottoms” all in an elaborate buffet of man on man sexual preferences. But do gay men hate women?  Maybe the real question is what is the effect that this gay world has on women?  Some might argue that it is more respectful to hate women, or make them effectively irrelevant, then to stick them in the kitchen or treat them like sex objects.

How does a women feel about dating a bi-sexual man, someone who has been in both worlds?  Perhaps women fear that a man could “turn out to be gay”, so is it better to date someone who is open about the possibility of being attracted to both?  Of course, there is much less of a stigma against women who are attracted to other women.  Straight guys have turned ladies who love ladies into the ultimate sexual fantasy, the typical dude would probably jump up and down if he found two women making out in his living room.  What would happen if a woman found out her boyfriend watches gay porn or fantasizes about other men? I have a feeling like most women would be taken aback for at least a moment if her boyfriend got it on with another man.

If women really believe that men are “dogs” obsessed with sex, maybe its really a fear of male lust.  Men’s sexual drive is a force to be reckoned with and it’s threatening whether it’s a promiscuous gay man, a cheating husband, or an aggressive guy at a bar.  There’s a feeling that men are controlled by their sex drive, and that it has to be in check.  Women may be wary of the consequences, they may also have little or no sexual power if male lust changes it’s course away from them. Is the real power in unbridled sexual lust or in manipulation and control?  And who is winning in this tug of war, the power of love or the love of power?

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4 responses to “What Women Want?”

  1. samuel2112 says :

    Good job your awesome. Your going to help so many women out there who are struggling with self esteem issues, sexual issues, just write from the heart

  2. Rachel A. Hanson says :

    I think it can be a challenge to lump women all into one group. All women do not want the same thing, and not all women feel the same about gay men (as you eloquently pointed out in the beginning.) I think the key to being successful in love is to talk to the person you’re interested in. Don’t think to yourself, “Oh, she’s wearing a sexy outfit. She must want sex.” Talk to her about it. And the same goes for women.

  3. KKZ says :

    To use an analogy, does the rabbit resent the deer because the deer, being an herbivore, will never ever hunt the rabbit the way a wolf would? No – the rabbit is gratified to have one less predator to worry about!
    The fact that the rabbit appeals to the appetite of the wolf does not give the rabbit any power over the wolf – on the contrary, it makes the rabbit a target, it make the rabbit feel vulnerable, it puts the rabbit on high alert anytime a wolf is nearby. But if it’s just rabbits and deer in a field, the rabbits can relax and graze and let their guards down. Resenting the deer for not chasing them is useless. The deer are of no concern.

    So, applying this to your speculations…being appealing to men does not make most heterosexual women feel powerful. It makes us a target, it makes us feel vulnerable, it puts us on high alert whenever we’re around heterosexual men. So if there are men out there who have no appetite for us, the reaction is not confusion or resentment, but gratitude and relief.

    If anything, I think it works the other way around… het men are confused by and/or resentful of gay women, because men place a lot of value on their ability to attract women – it makes them feel good, makes them feel powerful – and the notion that they don’t even have a CHANCE with a gay woman is disheartening. I have heard men say that they could persuade a gay woman to go straight, because he’s just that good at sex, just that attractive, just that manly that no woman can resist, gay or not. You really don’t find a lot of women with that attitude.

    • cleopas says :

      KKZ I understand your analogy about the rabbit, wolf , and deer. However I believe it does not apply to women and gay men. Women want to feel attracted. Sure some women may say the do not want to be sexually harassed by men or some women complain that all men want is sex.
      But the like to feel attractive and like to be pursued.
      Generally speaking men pursue women.
      With gay men no matter how pretty a woman is or sexy he does not care. Some women resent this-but it may be unconscious(that is the resentment).
      Gay men are full blooded men who are not attracted to women no matter how sexy she is. I’ve even heard of women paranoid about if their boyfriend/husband is gay or bi on the down low.. It is better if the man cheated with another woman. A woman can compete with another woman but cannot compete with a man
      No matter what you say KKZ otherwise I do not agree with you. Many women unconsciously resent gay men or are disappointed if a handsome guy is gay. Dan Savage a gay blogger has stated many straight women have tried to convert him. You may state otherwise kkz but I will not agree with you. I have heard straight women call a sexy gay guy “a waste”

      As far as a straight guy with Lesbians. Sure some may resent her. But many straight guys think lesbians are cool and hot and imagine them being intimate with their girlfriends.Sure do some men wish to convert the lesbian-possibly but more often than not he thinks she is cool. Also some men want nothing to do with lesbians due to them viewing lesbians as some politically leftist radical butch dyke.

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