The Essence of Mens Anger

I just read article on a great an excellent dating blog called “hooking up smart”  http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2011/03/01/politics-and-feminism/are-feminists-finally-noticing-that-the-men-have-left-the-building/. The writer of the blog Susan Walsh discusses Kay Hymowitz, author of the controversial book” Manning up”. In a nutshell, the book urges young men to stop living what is known as the Peter Pan” syndrome. Young men who are in their 20s and 30, who are unmarried, work at low paying  less stressful job, play video games or smoke pot and watch internet porn all day. Basically Ms. Hymowitz call for these men to “man up”, get a better job, get an education be more of a traditional male and get married.

Many of these young men who blog on the various” manosphere” pages have strongly criticized  Ms. Hymowitz. They feel that feminism has let them down. More importantly, they feel society has let them down. Just because they prefer to work in less stressful job, and remain bachelors for life and play their video games all day, they should not be shamed by the likes of Kay Hymowitz and others. These men feel while they do desire some need for female companionship as human beings, they are opting out of marriage inasmuch as feminism has let the down.

One may ask how has feminism let these young men down and why are these young men so angry? How can you be angry at a theory that many women who are feminists state that it is just about true equality for both genders? Well the same author who called for men to grow up and stop being like Peter Pan, wrote another article criticizing women. The article begins with this introduction “Men in their 2os and 30’s are fed up with women, but author Kay Hymowitz says you can’t blame them when women are demanding equality Except When It Comes To Romance”(captialized by me for effect).

To be fair it would do not justice for this blog by me to write anymore. I simply believe in my opinion that this specific issue that men view as the hypocrisy of feminism is the essence of their anger.  Here is what Ms. Hymowitz wrote :

“A bit of all of the above, probably. But there’s another reason for these rants, one that is far less understood. Let’s call it gender bait and switch. Never before in history have men been matched up with women who are so much their equal—socially, professionally, and sexually. By the time they reach their twenties, they have years of experience with women as equal competitors—in school, on soccer fields, and even in bed. They very reasonably assume that the women they are meeting at a bar or café or gym are after the same things they are: financial independence, career success, toned triceps, and sex.

That’s the bait; here comes the switch. Women may want equality at the conference table and treadmill. But when it comes to sex and dating, they aren’t so sure. The might hook up as freely as a Duke athlete. Or, they might want men to play Greatest Generation gentleman. Yes, they want men to pay for dinner, call for dates—a writer at the popular dating website The Frisky titled a recent piece “Call me and ask me out for a damn date!”—and open doors for them. A lot of men wonder: “WTF??!” Why should they do the asking? Why should they pay for dinner? After all, they are equals and in any case, the woman a guy is asking out probably has more cash in her pocket than he does; recent female graduates are making more than males in most large cities.

Sure, girls can—and do—ask guys out for dinner and pick up the check without missing a beat. Women can make that choice. Men say they have no choice. If they want a life, they have to ask women out on dates; they have to initiate conversations at bars and parties, they have to take the lead on sex. Women can take a Chinese menu approach to gender roles. They can be all “Let me pay for the movie tickets” on Friday nights, and “A single rose? That’s it?” on Valentine’s Day.”

book---manning-up-how-the-rise-of-women-has-turned-men-into-boys

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/02/28/why-are-men-angry-manning-up-author-kay-hymowitz-explains.html?cid=hp:mainpromo6

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2 responses to “The Essence of Mens Anger”

  1. Rachel A. Hanson says :

    Dating is a confusing game, that’s for sure. It was confusing before second wave feminism, and it will continue to be confusing long after we’re all gone.

    Yes, women want to be equal. When it gets right down to it, we are equal in most setting. But heteronormative socialization is a powerful thing. A woman can have the strongest feminist ideals in the world, but there is still a part of her that probably has the Disney version of love some place in her psyche. To be honest, it can get pretty dang confusing as these two polar oposites are at play in your head.

    I know I say this in almost every comment on here, but communication is really the key to having a successful encounter with anyone. People are not the same. Women are not all the same, and neither are men. Making assumptions based on how someone looks is really dangerous (in more ways than one.)

    And in regards to who pays on the date, I always go by this rule (even with my husband.) The person doing the asking is the person that should be paying. Really, how rude would it be for me to walk up to someone and say, “Hey, want to get dinner on Friday? Oh, by the way, you’ll be paying.” This is actually why I don’t typically ask my husband (and other men before him) out on dates. I’m usually fairly poor. Women still make 25% less than men for the same job (that’s on average according to the U.S. Government.)

  2. samuel2112 says :

    Thanks for your candor Rachel. It is so darn encouraging to hear a feminist be honest about wanting to retain some traditional gender roles that suit them. You stated ” A woman can
    have the strongest feminist ideals in the world, but there is still a part of
    her that probably has the Disney version of love some place in her psyche. To
    be honest, it can get pretty dang confusing as these two polar opposites are at play in your head”

    That is why many young men are so pissed. From my perspective from the various feminist blogs I have seen, never read any feminist admit what you just wrote. Rachel, it was real for you to say “there is still a part pf her that probably has the Disney version of love some place in her psyche.” I think for some of these fed up men no matter how angry they are with women and how much they want nothing to do with women, there is still a part of their psyche that wants to be nurtured by women. I think it is difficult for many MRA’s and feminists to admit that men need women and women need men.

    As far as paying on a date. I think you have a valid point. If a man asks a woman out, there is good reason he should pay.However, if women want to be considered equals, they should start asking men out, or even offering to pay for half the bill. Yes, I acknowledge the government study that men earn 25% more than. However, those statistics could be skewed. Most of the wealthy millionaires are men, that is why the average is in favor of men. But if you did a median and mode statistical data it would show a different number. In today’s economy, women are truly beginning to exceed men.

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